Don’t Worry Be Happy
As human beings from
time to time we all find ourselves worrying over something. You maybe the sort of person who wakes up at
5.00am ruminating over some perceived
difficulty you are facing, or just get constantly distracted during the day by
some worry that just keeps churning round in your mind. One of the most
discussed difficulties with clients in my clinic is rumination, that inability
to just let unhelpful thoughts go.
It is often believed that being able to worry is a positive
personality trait, that it aids problem solving, that if: ‘I worry hard enough about something in the
future, about which I have no real certainty of the outcome then
perhaps…..’ Well exactly you can’t
predict the future, that would be a unique trick. How many times has the thing
you have been worrying about been completely different. For those of you with
teenagers; how many hours have you spent talking through worries at school from
a presentation to relationship difficulties, to be yourself on tenterhooks all
day only to be brushed aside casually when they return home with a ‘oh that,
yeah it was great, no worries’. Other
beliefs claim that worrying is a motivating force, that worrying protects and
prepares against negative outcomes: ‘if I worry about something bad happening
then at least I will be emotionally prepared when it does’. ‘Being stressed and
worrying is who I am, in my job it’s the only way to get things done!’
Constant worry, Rumination and let’s include here self- criticism,
keep your body’s threat (fight or flight) system alive and kicking. Welcome
then the sympathetic nervous system; telling your body it needs extra
adrenaline and cortisol to make your heart work faster, to feed oxygen to your
muscles (in case you need to run) shut down your capacity to actually think
rationally and calmly (ever frozen in an interview?) as well as restrict your
ability to digest food. Of course I
simplify. There are all levels to the
body’s stress response but worry and rumination activate processes within your
body that if continued for any length of time can affect not only your mental
health and wellbeing (I often work with people who are just generally anxious)
but also compromise your immune system leaving you open to a range physical
illnesses.
Worry Busting
There are a whole range of approaches to help ease you away
from rumination but above all for me it is about learning to be compassionate
to oneself. That is to say endeavouring to treat yourself with kindness and
understanding. Being compassionate in
fact activates the parasympathetic nervous system (putting the brakes on the
threat response); one of the effects being to release the hormones oxytocin
(the loved up hormone) and Vasopressin, thus helping to restore the body’s
natural balance, lower blood pressure and generally create a feeling of
optimism.
·
The first action is to bring into your
consciousness the fact that you are worrying, even saying to yourself: ‘oh I am
worrying’, then state clearly what you are worrying about. You could break this
down by asking; what are my thoughts, emotions and how am I behaving?
·
The next set of questions to ask yourself are:
Is this situation in my control? Is the way I am thinking logical, if I looked
at this from another person’s perspective how would it look? Is there evidence to
support my thinking this way, are there facts that could help dispute your way
of looking at the problem. My favourite question here is: Is worrying about
this helpful or unhelpful to my wellbeing at this moment? The answer is usually
no!
·
So is there anything I can do now? If yes then
take action (act rather than worry) even if it means making a list of things to
do tomorrow, and then put the list away. You have done all you can do. If the answer is no, the source of the worry
is beyond my control, then there are any number of ways to work with this.
Distraction
You can deliberately change your thoughts
or your actions to something positive; getting busy round the house, going for
a brisk walk, thinking about a place where you remember feeling serene or
safe. You could also help this along by
saying to yourself: ‘STOP, CANCEL, CHANGE’ and in your mind imagine, in turn a
stop sign, wiping the worry away and then changing to a more positive thought
(some people use an elastic band on their wrist to ping when they say stop).
Writing
Many of my clients report that writing
helps. Often setting down your worries
on paper even if you don’t read them back helps to get them said and
rationalised. Once written down it is
your choice what you do then; worries have been written on balloons and let go,
put onto computers and deleted, safely burned, ripped up and thrown away.
Worry
Time
You can give yourself allotted worry time
each day, condensing your worries into a planned slot. After a time most people come to the realization
that it takes a great effort to force yourself to worry.
Mindful
Meditation
Learning Mindful Meditation is a longer
term solution affecting your overall health and wellbeing. Meditation is a
journey of discovery, not only helping you to relax and look at the process of
worrying in a new and non- judgmental way but to gain a deep level of understanding about
your own mind and body and your relationship to the world you inhabit.
In writing this article I have put together
thoughts drawn from a range of therapeutic approaches and all are used within
my own practice with clients. As ever I
would welcome your thoughts and feedback.
Michelle Krethlow Shaw
Psychotherapist, Counsellor and
Hypnotherapist.
March 2016
