Animals and their Role in our Lives

Every morning when I wake up I know that if I stretch out my hand across the bed it will meet my male Tabby cat curled up either by my feet or shoulders. He usually greets this probing either with one of his little vocal creeks or nuzzling into my hand with his face and then we proceed to a mutual ‘good morning’ round of him rolling onto his back and me messing up his belly fur either with my face buried there sniffing in that deep homely catness  or mussing him up with my hands.  Now this may either sound very eccentric to you, a little bit urgh or you may identify with this completely, that is your choice. However this is my way (and recognised by my family as such) of being able to motivate myself to get up in the mornings, it is my little moment of self- nurturing and totally necessary to my sense of well- being.  This short activity not only, I believe suits my cat; in that he gets his daily quota of being loved up and grooming (being a devotee of sensuality), but it gives that just waking part of my brain in the morning a positive boost through my senses of touch and smell.  It directly connects with my brain, no need for complex thoughts here, we are going straight for that burst of oxytocin, the so called ‘loved up’ hormone.

Research on the value of animal therapy is a bit thin on the ground out there, but we have all seen via Youtube and Facebook clips of the important role animals can play in giving people a sense of joy and connection with the world. Facebook and Youtube are full of animals doing ridiculous or outright cute things and we are entertained by this, but more seriously they highlight the very good work animals can do for example living in old people’s residential homes.  There are studies that show 20 minutes spent petting an animal can induce a drop in the stress hormones; cortisol and adrenaline with an increase of the self- nurturing and balancing stress busting hormones oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins. Chandler(1) asserts that there are huge benefits to interacting with animals on a physiological and emotional level, not only helping us then to interact with the world around us but in our own personal dialogue helping this to be more positive. The value in the increase of oxytocin in the words of Chandler is that as a hormone it has a strong effect not only on’ lowering our blood pressure and heart rate’ but also helps us to be more sociable.

So the next time you take time to play with your pet (or anyone else’s pet for that matter), just take a moment to reflect.  This moment is valuable in so many ways; not only because you are showing your affection for another living creature and that has to be good for you and them, but it is also an incredibly pleasant way to reduce your daily stress levels ultimately enhancing both your mental and physical health and wellbeing.

http://psychocentral.com/lib/the -truth-about-animal-assisted-therapy/00010295 accessed 1/2/2015

Recommended Reading

Chandler,Cynthia K. Animal Assisted Therapy in Counseling. Routledge, 2012.

Finding the right Therapist for you

Choosing the right therapist to work with can be difficult and in some cases definitely a process of trial and error.  It is perhaps important to remember that this choice is a very personal one; you are looking for someone with whom you may be sharing very difficult thoughts, feelings and emotions and so this someone needs to be someone you trust and makes you feel safe.

Most first contacts are difficult, it may be that it has taken you some time to decide to get in touch with a therapist and so in many cases you will be expecting that communication to be treated with respect. Some therapists will ask for more details perhaps over the phone or via email concerning your thoughts about how you feel at the moment and you may wish to have this brief conversation to see what kind of response you receive.  However in my experience and in these days of websites where information about that therapist may be easily available, all is needed is a brief contact to establish the time and place of the initial appointment.  

The first session is crucial and it is worth asking yourself a few questions. Quite naturally your subconscious will be working hard for you and it is worth listening to that inner voice on whether or not this feels right to you, learn to trust your instincts. Go with your gut.

Any good therapist will want to create an atmosphere whereby the client feels safe, listened to and heard in a non-judgemental way. These are some of the essential ingredients necessary for a productive therapeutic relationship, promoting the possibility for change.

So:

• ·        Do you feel welcome, if you feel anxious are your anxiety levels increasing or decreasing by being with that person?
• 
  
• ·        Are you given information fairly quickly to reassure you that anything that is divulged within that space and time is confidential and the background to this explained?
• 
  
• ·        What does the room feel like? Can you imagine spending time there? How close is the therapist sitting to you? Do you feel safe and comfortable?
• 
  
• ·        Does the therapist clearly say what is going to happen in this initial session? That this is a time for you to ask questions, as well the therapist working with you to establish your needs and goals in seeking therapy. The therapist will need to take an initial description from you including: your view of your life currently, maybe any past life crises as well such details such as past experiences of therapy and any medication you are taking. During this session the therapist may ask you; ‘How will you know that therapy has been successful for you?’ 
• 
  
• ·        Do you feel clear about the basis of your work together? This may include setting out an actual contract; for instance discussion about format of sessions, duration, and a broad idea about a possible treatment path (although this will change as needs change)?
• 
  
• ·        Ask yourself are the thoughts and concerns I am expressing to this person being validated? Are they acknowledging what I have to say without giving out advice (this is not the role of a therapist) or being judgmental?  Are they thoughtful and feel as if they are with me in this moment?  These are all important in deciding whether the therapeutic relationship can work for you?
• 
  
• ·        Finally don’t be afraid to say no. Just because you have gone to an initial consultation you don’t have to agree to a course of therapy with that person. The therapist will usually say something like ‘So I am wondering if this is something you would like to continue with?’ This is your chance to honestly express what you would like to do.  Even if you have had a couple of sessions don’t be afraid to say this isn’t working out for me.  Therapists expect that not all relationships work out, that is the nature of relationships. It is a much nicer way of feeding back than just endlessly cancelling appointments and then perhaps not moving on in the way you would like to.

If you have any comments about this article I would love to hear from you, especially about your experiences.

Michelle Krethlow Shaw 2015.

MEMORY BOXES

So many emotions flit across my mind when I think about memory boxes, thoughts awakened by once again picking up my copy of ‘The Memory Box’ by Margaret Forster.  In this story, our heroine Catherine, on clearing out the attic of the family home discovers the memory box created by her mother who died when she was a baby.  As a growing child and now adult, Catherine has been surrounded by people keen to illustrate her mother’s life to her and throughout this period she has made every attempt not to be interested. Now she is confronted with a box full of memories and this is what the author writes:

  ‘I wished passionately she had not done this. Who had thought of it, was it her own idea? And what had she imagined was the purpose of her legacy? To tell me about herself?  To make some kind of statement?  To try to share in my unknown future?’ (1999)

Of course this is fiction, Catherine is angry and wishes to deny the existence of her birth mother but then on working through the memory box discovers a complex and wonderful person and with this redefines her own identity.The concept of the memory box or even scrap book brings up lots of questions. Who should do them? When should they be done? Why would you make one? www.macmillan.org.uk  website actually has a very comprehensive page answering all of these questions and makes a very good case advocating this method for use by people who know they are dying and wish to share memories with a child. Unlike the fictionalised Catherine the process of putting together the items in the box is a mutual experience, a time of storytelling, and a time accepted not only of happy memories but also sad.  This process in itself is also laying down cherished memories for the child of their parent. 

William Worden in his book on Grief Counselling and Therapy for Mental Health Practitioners (2001) also talks about the important part memory scrapbooks can have in helping children find ways to remember a dead person, completed if possible with family members but if not with the help of a therapist. As the child matures the box or scrapbook serves to remind them of who that person was and in some ways to provide a life affirming anchor about whom they are, especially important if this has been a close relative.

Personally I find it very difficult to put myself in the position of having to put together something like a memory box. If like Catherine’s mother I put the memories together in isolation, I can’t help thinking it might end up as a rather self- indulgent and biased set of items. What words would you write to a loved one? Your own view of your life is just that, your own view. How could you give a rounded and honest picture? Do you give clues to a murky past at the risk of besmirching your loved ones memory of you? I simply don’t have the answers to these questions and I leave them for you to ponder. I do know however that in my own experience that some of my most treasured memories of my own mother who died when I was 18 are linked to the casual things she left behind.  When I was 15 I spent the summer away and my mother wrote me a letter, I have kept this and sometimes look at it to remind myself of how she was and how she spoke without the cloud of impending death hanging over her. I also wear her wedding ring and have a small picture of my mother as a young woman framed and next to my bed.  These are small tokens, I have chosen them, they don’t affect me in a negative way and I don’t really notice them day to day but occasionally I will make a note and use them as an anchor. They are my own way of remembering a complex human being and my relationship to her as my mother, the good and not so good.

Maybe then there is some value in having concrete items that link you to memories of a loved one (without attaching too much emotion that this then becomes an issue)but also that can be just be part of the story.  If we have been close to someone for any length of time we also have memories we keep in our head; a gesture they used to make, the feel of their hands, the way they used to get angry or the food they loved to eat, these are all ways of remembering. Again I leave you to ponder this thought.

If you would like to share your views on this subject I would love to hear them.

Thanks to:

www.macmillan.co.uk  Accessed 22^nd/01/2015

Forster,Margaret (1999). Memory box. London: Chatto and Windus. p13.

Worden, J.William (2001). Grief Counselling and Grief Therapy; a handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner,Susex:Routledge. P235.

Bereavement - a Psychotherapist's Perspective.

Now you might find this statement rather bizarre but as a Therapist I actually find working with grief as the result of death one of the most rewarding parts of my vocation. Let me begin to explain. When I decided to become a Therapist it was set against a number of life experiences; in particular the death of my mother when I was just 18 and at a natural crossroads in my life. The circumstances of that death completely altered my life’s path; my views of the world around me, my relationships with other people and having a detrimental effect on my mental health causing bouts of depression in my early 20’s. When I reflect back on that period in my life, there seemed to be very few people close to me offering that ‘listening ear’ and that was just what I needed a ‘listening ear’. I needed to rage, to wonder and be angry, to feel supported and above all be told that my views and thoughts were valid and human, no matter how many times I repeated those same feelings.

Death and grief are all integral to being human but how often do we draw away from discussing the process with one another?  Each death is different and each of us reacts to the deaths we experience on an individual basis. No matter how you anticipate the way you may feel and behave on the death of someone or something you care about, almost always the actual event and your reaction is not what you may have anticipated.  This is tricky to illustrate; but imagine the death of your husband or wife of the last 50 years which you may have thought devastating, but actually although you are extremely sad you seem to be coping and adjusting.  Perhaps that spouse had been extremely ill and in pain over a long period and some small part of you rejoices that they are released.  However on top of this your cat or dog has just been killed in a car accident and although other people may see this as trivial, you are devastated and feel you can’t carry on, becoming deeply depressed. These then are two very different deaths; one expected one sudden, the trauma compounded, where you can cope with the first maybe the second brings up unexpected feelings e.g. loneliness, loss of purpose.  The difficulty can then be sometimes being able to express this grief openly, you may feel other people (even those closest to you) don’t want to listen or even understand or simply just don’t have the time.

This is where a good Therapist can step in providing complete non- judgmental support, someone who recognizes that the nature of grief is based upon many interweaving factors, processes, themes and emotions.  As a Therapist myself I feel privileged to have shared with my client’s important moments of intense emotion working in an intense therapeutic atmosphere.  There are moments of anger, guilt, anguish, flashes of insight and realization as well as the recognition of love, thankfulness, joy and yes we do also share laughter. This for me constitutes true congruence with a client; knowing the moment, being with, knowing exactly what to say at the right point and recognizing important insights, sharing their journey. 

Having now, in my middle years experienced a number of deaths myself both family and friends and indeed my own father died suddenly just recently, I always find the process of grief a time when people experience in its purest form what it is to be human. Each death strangely perhaps can help us to grow, find new things in life but also learn to appreciate and value with new eyes, life.  It is a time of re- evaluation. These reasons and much more are why I find working with death so rewarding as a Therapist.

If you would like to contribute to the discussion I would love to hear from you.

Hello.

Just recently I took the momentous step of deciding to go full time with my Counselling, Psychotherapy and Hypnotherapy practice in Chelmsford having worked for some years now just working part time. Now some would say this was a foolhardy thing to do in the current economic climate but there are some times in life when you just need to take your courage in your hands and leap regardless. It has been very much a case of me finally stating to the world ‘this is who I am and this is what I want to be.’ As I am now in my 50’s it’s been quite a journey stumbling towards self knowledge.

 By writing this blog I hope to not only appeal to those people interested in different aspects of Counselling and Hypnotherapy but also those of you who are just trying to find the right path to follow in this confusing and fascinating world of ours.

These are then the musings of a Therapist, living in Essex, yes I did say Essex.